Why Can't a Guy Have a Little Fun?
Setting the Daily Mail Straight
December 30th, 2023: By, Hunter Biden
Oh, those delightful scamps at the Daily Mail have really outdone themselves this time. So, they've decided to air out my laundry, huh? Crack pipes, late-night companions, and a little sprinkle of DC's finest private clubs – sounds like a regular Tuesday to me. But no, apparently, this is "news."
Let's get one thing straight: just because I like to let loose doesn't mean I'm not on top of my game. Those business expenses? Oh, come on, everyone knows that "business" is just another word for "pleasure" in the big leagues. And those payments to "friends" for their "companionship"? I thought we were just hanging out, maybe sharing some deeply intellectual conversations. Who knew friendship came with a receipt?
Now, about those wire transfers – you've got to hear this. So, there I am, minding my own business, when suddenly my Chinese buddies decide to throw some cash my way. And the Ukrainians? Just fans of my art, I guess. But here's the kicker: those wires landing at Daddy's address? Total mix-up. I mean, who hasn't accidentally sent a few hundred thousand dollars to their dad's house? Happens all the time.
And let's not forget that modest $60 at the 116 Club. I was probably just there for the free Wi-Fi, researching...stuff. Definitely not mingling with lawmakers or anything. Purely academic, you understand.
As for the lavish hotels and those alleged cash withdrawals – I was probably just trying to stimulate the economy. You're welcome, America. And the taxes? Well, I was going to get around to them, but, you know, life's a party, and who wants to be a buzzkill with paperwork?
So, to all the naysayers and sticklers for "evidence" out there, I say, lighten up! A guy's gotta live a little. And if living a little means being the life of the party (with a few minor financial discrepancies), then so be it.
Keep tuning in for more unfiltered truths and convenient explanations, only here at The Hunter Biden Report. Where the only thing thicker than the plot is the smoke from my... well, you know.
Until next time,
H.B.